Giving or Receiving: Until I'm Blue in My Face! (12/22)

December 22nd

Giving or Receiving?: When I was in fourth grade, our teacher asked us to write down whether it was better to give or receive and our reasons why. Depending on anyone’s particular situation the answer could be different. With the holidays now upon us, what’s more important to you? [p.s. Did you get your Christmas shopping done?]

I have long believed it's better to give than receive.

When I was in about fourth grade, our teacher gave us the book by Lois Lowry, "The Giver." Of course, upon finishing the book, I decided that yes, it was indeed better to give than receive. (And, also, I decided I was fascinated with philosophy and religion at this point). 

I came from this altruistic standpoint that giving is just what people do in friendships and relationships: time, money, time... Spending time, and quality time, was of utmost important to me. And, if that didn't work: shoulder rubs, playing chauffeur, and gift cards! As I grew older, and got close in romantic relationships it was doing the laundry, ironing clothes, cooking dinner, and ... all the rest.

Then, one day, I watched the movie "The Break Up." Gee, thanks Jennifer Aniston (aka as Brooke in this film). She took the words right out of my mouth.

I just don't know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it. I don't feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.  

Oh yeah? Well, me too, "Brooke." That's exactly how  felt at time.


Giving is so much better than receiving because we're doing it because we want to. In the same movie, she says, "I don't want you to do the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes."


I could hate cooking, for all you know, but if it makes you happy and you appreciate it, I'll do it! You know why? The smile and the truth appreciation from giving that "gift" is far more rewarding than not seeing it.


That being said, at the end of the day, giving is always better than receiving. But, what's important is understanding why you're giving it. If you're like me, and you feel it's in your nature to give, invest that energy where it's really counted: at a shelter, or a soup kitchen, or as a mentor.


In your relationships, sometimes giving isn't seen as "love". Learn to speak your partner's language. Just because it's a different language doesn't mean you can't learn to understand.


This Year


I've not been able to give as much as I normally would have, so "spending time," is what I'm offering. To those who can't spend time, I'm offering "tokens of appreciation" and "notes of encouragement." The most important thing to me is that those in my life I love, know I love them. When that happens, all of my "Christmas shopping" is done.